2012 Post 12: Draft scripts & feedback

A producer called Becky Knapp came into our class and read through our drafts of script, she said our script was too short it should be a page per minute, as she looks at scripts and decides whether they are good enough her feedback was very helpful.  She also commented on the fact that the short film has to be around 6 minutes and we did not have 6 pages so our script would not have the chance to develope a beginning middle and end. The script that she saw had no real narrative structure to it she suggested that we really need to think about our audience as if they watched the film with the script she saw they would leave feeling confused and with little interest to the events in the film or sympathy towards Billy which is our aim.

From this draft Becky has told us to focus on sorting out why does Billy act the way he does and how does he put across his behaviour in the film. She said we also need to make more of a story out of the situation he is in because at the moment the audience will not be affect in the right way. Becky also said that we need to develop the story idea to the non-existent mother storyline at the moment we plan not to have a mother figure in our short film, she said this will not work in the right way as they audience will not be able to understand the full extent of what their non-existant relationship does to Billy if the mother is never shown being un-caring.

Below I am going to put in our draft for the script that Becky had seen and highlight what we are going to see/ change.

This is not in the right format as had to cut and past to make it a jpeg format

From Becky's comments and suggestions we went into a room as a group and didnt leave untill we'd decided on a detailed idea and storyline. We started by brainstorming whilst using our script that Becky had looked at. We decided on some final ideas that we need to develop into scences and final ideas.